The Reality of Resilience
The ability to be resilient and recover, adapt, and effectively move forward from challenging situations is appealing to most of us. If we think about relationship challenges, setbacks at work, or a recent loss we are grieving, moving forward quickly and with newly learned information or skills is a goal we might have. So why are some people seemingly able to recover more quickly than others and is resilience something that can be taught?
From a physical science point of view, a resilient material is something that is flexible and can return to its original shape after being significantly stretched or bent. From a psychological perspective, resiliency refers to our emotional ability (or flexibility) to recover (or stretch) during traumatic events, life disruptions, or extended periods of stress. For the resilient individual however, the experience of overcoming these life events looks different and creates a version of self who is more prepared to overcome future challenges.
Not without effort, the resilient individual is often evaluating their situation for new perspectives, abilities, or strengths that they didn’t have or weren’t using before. Despite sadness, fear, frustration or other disruptive emotional reactions, a resilient individual recognizes that by overcoming a challenge or setback, they have stretched in a new way or gained a new strength that they can now practice in other areas of their life. A resilient person may also evaluate their support system and significant relationships to assess who keeps them emotionally charged during stressful times and who is only around in positive moments. Taking an inventory during these critical moments can help to identify where to seek support, guidance, and feedback to continue building resiliency in the future. Finally, realigning priorities is a step that a resilient person might take to remove emotional clutter and noise following a significant event. Sometimes when we suffer a loss or major disappointment, it can prompt us to find meaning and purpose in what we are doing and who or what matters most to us.
Resilience is a trait that can be learned and practiced, similar to other exercises we do to stay strong and flexible. Being more resilient can impact your self-esteem, your relationships, your confidence, and your ability to learn and move forward with a different purpose or intent. Research shows that resilience can be shaped and impacted by our environment, genetics, and also our personal intent and commitment to change. Therapy is a great platform to learn about your own personal strengths and opportunities to become a more resilient person and how to incorporate this mindset into all areas of your life.